DELICIOUS SENSIBILITY

Had she smiled, the world would sigh with contentment. Had she laughed, the world would laugh with her. Had she cried, the world would come with handkerchief to wipe away the tears. Gaja Lakhsmi a woman of forty had shoulder length jet black hair; long lashes had beautifully framed her brown eyes. A straight nose, it was safe to say that years had enhanced her beauty.

She dressed in a red salwar kameez was steering the fresh lime water, it was her remedy for Raman’s hangover. She took the glass and entered the bedroom and placed it on the side table. Gaja bit her lower lip naughty admiring Raman’s muscular bare torso who had returned last night after a heavy night of drinking. A mere look at Raman’s broad shoulder and strong hands aroused in her the sensation which she had experienced on their first encounter when he came looking for shelter, Why had she taken a complete stranger in her home? Was it the want of a man? She smiled at the doubts these questions used to cause but not anymore.

Initially Raman and Gaja interactions were limited he used to come to the dining table three times a day for his meals but once they got over awkwardness sparks started to fly. Gaja caught him a number of times stealing glances. As he grew bolder his intention became apparent. At nights she used to dream about Raman. Is he thinking about me? How would it feel after so many years? Is he a sound sleeper or he snores?

Calling Gaja, the daughter of a fruit vendor a fallen woman would be erroneous on the contrary it was her beauty which proved a bane for her. She was a carefree child but all that changed when she entered teenage years. Men started clamoring for her attention which she welcomed at first but later on became a predicament. Even carrying out errands became complicated which resulted in her mother becoming the chaperon. This forced situation proved useful as it brought the mother and the daughter together who initially argued on everything but with time these frictions proved helpful as a strong bond formed between the women. Savita, her mother was a wise lady who taught her the fine feminine etiquette and cautioned her about men. In time Gaja started to enjoy these womanly talks. They walked, talked, laughed and even gossiped together.

The situation came to head when Gaja reached marriageable age her parents were flooded with offers it seemed as if whole of village wanted her as their bride. Each day brought a new marriage proposal some even offered money which was contrary to the custom normally it was the bride’s family that offered dowry. The constant nuisance made Gaja Lakhsmi so angry that she became disillusioned with the concept of marriage and as a retort decided, never to get married. At first her father was against this decision but her to Savita came to her daughter’s rescue and placated him. But men being men never let her off and their constant advances only helped in cementing her decision

The only thing consistent in life is change. An army convoy had to make an emergency stopover as the weather barred their progress, and were forced to stay for a week. This was the time when an innocent romance sprouted between Gaja Lakhsmi and a soldier named Swapnil. For the first time in her life she felt happy because she was loved for the person she was and not for her external beauty. Gaja Lakhsmi started having second thoughts as her mind swayed between the two extremes, whether to marry or not to. So she turned to her one true companion and guide Savita whose counselling helped her in expecting Swapnil’s marriage proposal. The marriage was celebrated two months later. Even though she loved Swapnil marrying an outsider was her way of replying to the locals, that they were never good enough.

Gaja Lakhsmi looked at the sleeping Raman who groaned in his sleep. During the initial stages the thoughts of being unfaithful spurred up from time to time as it was taboo for a widow to have sexual feeling for another man. But with time she understood her womanly wants of being caressed and loved by a man and Raman’s arrival acted as a catalyst. A fire that had long been extinguished was reignited once again.

Gaja Lakhsmi was standing close to the window she tweaked her right foot putting pressure on the toe and bit her lower lip. She moved the curtain a  little, sun rays entered the room falling directly on Raman’s face, she adjusted the curtain in such a way that sun rays aimed directly on his eye. Raman groaned, she quickly blocked the rays. With time Gaja Lakhsmi fully understood the true reason for letting Raman in her home and life.

After Swapnil’s untimely death and her parents passing away the last five years had been unbearable as she became a widow and an orphan both at the same time. Men came out of their hiding places and thought they could do what they wished. Whenever she used to go for shopping or other errands they groped her some even brushed against her. Gaja had to physically fight of the perverts and on being beaten up by a woman they passed lewd comments. The women of village were equally indifferent towards her as they treated her as their competitor as their men lusted for her. New rumours surfaced on daily basis. So when Raman admitted to her door step an outsider she wanted to trust him. Although it was a gamble she had no choice she thought, she had gone with her guts once and it was great till it lasted, so why not again. The decision proved correct as Raman’s 5’8’’ frame built like a boxer scared the perverts and they went back into their holes. The rumours however never stopped but she was content as there was a man in the house again.    

Perhaps the most important reason why she allowed Raman into her house was the insult she felt on being called a barren the ultimate insult to any wife. Gaja Lakhsmi however always believed in heart that perhaps she was not a barren and maybe one day conceive. A mischievously smile emanated on her face as she looked at the snoring Raman. She had learned that she was pregnant that was the reason of the playful mood. How best to break the news to Raman was the predicament. Gaja once again allowed the sun rays to filter through he groaned little louder but this time she let the rays fall on his face for a longer duration. Raman shifted his position and she blocked the rays. Not content with her playfulness she repeated the process a third time resulting in Raman shifting his position once again. But this time Gaja did not budge opened the window and let the sunlight pass through. Raman opened his eye shielding them with his hand ”Gajaa”, he said and started to extend his hand to get a hold of her but stopped short putting his other hand on his forehead ”my head” he groaned. Gaja Lakhsmi kept watching him. Raman now awake looked at the side table and a smile emanated on his lips as he saw the glass of fresh lime water. Gaja Lakhsmi gave him a sweet smile, “get ready for breakfast”, and went out of the room.

The sun was at its zenith birds were chirping as if welcoming the sun and praying for a prosperous day. Gaja Lakhsmi looked outside her kitchen window and smiled at the Himalaya range her companion through the turbulent times. She had endured an uncertain future but remained resolute taking inspiration from the Himalayas. Gaja Lakhsmi had prepared aaloo parantha which was Raman’s favorite and served it with curd. She heard the sound of running water from the bathroom placed the plate on the old mahogany dining table which was a wedding gift from her father.

The bathroom door opened and Raman dressed in a towel came out looked at the plate, “wow! What’s the occasion?” he said

Gaja Lakhsmi poured a dollop of mango pickle on his plate, “you eat” sweetly she said.

”first you tell me?” he replied

Gaja Lakhsmi smiled back; Raman folded his hand said "I am not eating”, in a grumpy tone.

She knew his too well and could detect that the anger was pretentious. Raman made a face but started eating in silence admitting defeat. Gaja Lakhsmi was contemplating the best way to put the information across, “do I look fat” just blurred out. She had thought for hours and hours but this line the words sounded all wrong.  Raman gave her a bewildered look checked her from head to toe, and replied, “Absolutely not, but why ask?”

“No, nothing”, she said in a toneless voice.

“There is definitely something on your mind; tells me what’s bothering you?” he asked affectionately.

“You can’t do anything about it, and it will only upset you”

“Never mind; tell me all the same”

 “Well, it happened”

“What Happened?”

“It has happened”

Raman made a dry face. “You sure?” he said

“Quite sure, you know I never got the wind of it. I am two months late”

“Hell”, he said and kept quiet for some time, “Well, now we know what the problem” said Raman “And what’s to be done”

“Problem” said Gaja Lakhsmi. She understood the gravity of the situation. What was she thinking? The talk of the town would be, a widow got pregnant through an illicit affair. It would be a scandal. Gaja Lakhsmi also understood the predicament which faced Raman, he who has no money, does odd jobs, what would be the future be? 

“We will drop it”, he said.

“Right, I got an address” she replied.

“Who gave you?” 

“I know people” she said defiantly.

Raman in a mocking tone mimicked her, “I know people”.

She receded into the chair away from his reach. Raman tried to reach, but as a sign of defiance she folded her hands around her stomach like cradling a child. “I don’t want you to think about it” she said. Her body quivered and in toneless voice said “it’s a woman business now”. Gaja Lakhsmi got a sudden surge of overwhelming anxiety and fear engulfed her. She felt her body stiffening tried moving her hand but they defied her. She moved her eyes the room looked strange even Raman’s face looked weird. Raman’s mouth was moving but she heard no voices only a single monologue kept repeating inside her head, life had failed her a again. Her vision blurred and blackness enveloped her completely.