ACT OF A RECKLESS MAN

Kapil had entered the age when opportunities seemed endless, restriction; playing safe and can’t do were mere words used by older generation or found in dictionaries. Life for him was a competitive adversary that threw obstacle after obstacle so that he was able to unravel the glorious prospects hidden in them.

He like many of his age was lured away from home by the glittering city lights and the innate confidence that he would succeed. At first everything went according to plan; he implemented some of his ideas and worked according to his set notions. Life was looking up; the world was his canvas and he like a master made whatever strokes he wished. In his period of success Kapil forgot the one constant of life; change. Everything went downwards after that which resulted in negativity entering his conscious.

Kapil admired at his reflection, “can look good if you want” he said. Looking dapper in a grey coloured suit he was ready for his friend’s marriage party. This was precisely the moment he dreaded; going out to meet people. Although an extrovert by character but the constant professional setbacks had morphed him into an introvert.

Informing the driver about the address he boarded the taxi and sat mulling for the best response for the question that terrified him the most, so what’s happening? Failing to come up with an apt response Kapil forced himself to look outside the window. He observed people standing or running; fighting or professing love; engaging in animated conversation or somberly quite. He closed his eyes in-response to the pain which he felt due to the hollowness of his life.

Kapil stood in-font of the banquet hall gate; he had deliberately walked the last stretch to avoid the shame of being seen getting of the taxi. As he knew most of the guests arriving here would be using their personal vehicles; so hesitant of entering he waited for some familiar figure to arrive.

“Sir, the marriage party is on the fourth floor” the valet guy said.

“I know, thank you, I am waiting for my friend” he said.

The repeated setbacks which he had endured had made him allergic to these kinds of happy places; and had tried every trick to decline the invitation but failed. Inferiority complex clouded his mind with the thought of facing successful persons. Kapil’s body shook in response; and he shoved his hand in the front pocket of the coat to avoid the shivering. 

Kapil noticed Sachin approaching the banquet hall along with his wife Sonia. He kept admiring their grace, their comfort level, and the openness with which they met other invitees.

“How are you old boy?” Sachin said which broke Kapil’s trance.

Before Kapil could reply the big burly Sachin had engulfed him into a bear hug, “I was good before you choked me” he said.

In-response Sachin playfully choked him a little harder.

“Sonia, Sonia get me free please, will you?” he said

Sonia let out a lively chuckle. Sachin who had by now released Kapil also joined in the humour as he looked at his red cheeked face due to the lack of air.

 “Hey! Not fare” Kapil said. He inhaled deeply as his breathing resumed.   

“Let’s go and congratulate the lucky couple,” Sachin said and the three of them entered the gate of the banquet hall.

They exited the lift on the fourth floor; Kapil entered the banquet hall behind Sachin and Sonia. “How beautiful are the decoration” Sonia said.

“Humm...” Sachin said.

The party was in full broom and the music was loud. Sachin found Mr Mehta; he and Sonia went ahead to greet him. Kapil intentionally stood back and was about to retract his feet when Sachin looked back and gestured for him to step forward. But Sachin was distracted by another guest who started talking to him. Kapil took that opportunity and hid himself in a corner of the large room. He declined the snacks offered by the waiter.  

Kapil had started to feel the folly of his decision as one can’t hide charisma; especially the effect it had on the ladies. So he picked the next starter that passed his way to convey that he was not to be disturbed. The success of this tactics was short lived as he kept getting inviting glances from the women folks and jealous from their male counterparts.

He avoided eye contact as he didn’t want to motivate them any further. To look busy Kapil patted his coat which was the only one he had and kept especially for occasions such as these. He looked away to show his indifference towards them; and saw her. The love he once had but then lost.

Mira, her name; looked graceful in a cream lehnga choli was engaged in an animated conversation with a fellow woman her age. Kapil’s eyes fell on the outline of her shapely nose that extenuated her beauty. With a mischievous smile his vision trickled down to her fuller breasts, the firm tummy and those curved bottoms. Their parting which happened four years ago was painful but still he couldn’t help getting drawn towards her.

Somehow Kapil’s body obeyed the command of his brain and resisted the temptation of presenting himself in front of her; but it was his heart which was the main culprit who wanted to fly and lie in her lap. Had he been a subtle many other hearts in the room wouldn’t have been broken by his naked show of emotions; but then love for Kapil was always over the top. 

His love trance was broken when he felt a hand on his shoulder, “she is single,” the speaker was Sachin.  Kapil turned around and looked with expectations.

“Go ahead and talk to her” Sachin added.

What will I say? How will she take it?  Doubt had plagued Kapil’s mind.

Sachin patted his back and shoved him in the direction of Mira. With his heart somersaulting Kapil very slowly walked up to her.

“Mira” he said, the name came out like a whisper.  

Mira didn’t turn and kept on with her conversation which made Kapil go red from ear to ear. The few seconds wait which felt like hour was broken when Mira’s companion gestured for her to look behind.

For the first time Kapil noticed that she had shorten her hair as she turned. They hugged like friends.

“You cut your hair” he said. It came out all wrong and in his anxiety he looked down, I am making a fool of myself, he thought.

Mira laughed which gave him confidence. “Give me a minute” she said. Mira turned around and said something to her companion after which the other woman left and she turned once again towards him with her undivided attention.  

The moment their eyes met all the pent up resentment which Kapil had garnered against Mira dissipated in an instance.  And he became her lover all over again.

What transpired baffled the onlookers nevertheless they were happy that they witnessed the reawakening of love. The atmosphere reached a crescendo when all the invitees; jealous or sincere; clapped in chorus when Kapil kissed Mira. The new weds faced the indignation of being outdone on their special day. None was happier than Sachin who had seen their journey from close quarters.

Kapil’s love deepened and the meetings lengthened, they spent time dinning where food remained untouched, enjoyed eleven o’clock shows irrespective of the film, and took long romantic walks. Mira hadn’t come alone she brought along lady luck as his stagnant career started to show signs of resurgence. Kapil became optimistic again as hope returned to his life.

Six months had elapsed and with it Kapil’s love. The very moments which he cherished not so long ago felt like an albatross along his neck; her presence that once soothed now hindered him; the motherly love he loved so much now experienced as stifling. He couldn’t put a finger on what had happened to his heaven. Instead of the love he professed their erupted fights which kept them apart initially for days which elongated into weeks. The situation became so grim that they parted ways to give themselves time. They failed miserably at these experiment also as one or the other would come and pacify the other and all would be forgotten. Love would prosper once again when eventually led to strife.  

One day Mira got fed up, “I want out” she said.

Normally Kapil would have placated her to change the decision, “Me too” he said, as he too was contemplating the same and was equally disturbed with the constant bickering. Their eyes met, “Is our love toxic?” he said.

Mira held his gaze, “it’s you who is toxic.”  

Those words of Mira had such cleansing effect on his that he went into trance and viewed his life with her. In the end he understood all, “Can I hug you” he said.

They hugged in silence; tears began to flow down both their cheeks. Kapil hoped the hug never ends but knew better and parted. He wanted to say a lot of things which would bring her back but to what end.

Alone in his flat with Mira gone from his life Kapil lit a cigarette. Life is a bitch, he thought, and blew out smoke.